You are on the edge of your seat in a criss-cross applesauce position, your couch pillow is nestled between your laps, and your heart is racing. You feel a mix of palpitations and trepidation. If you are like me, you alternate between biting the tip of your already trimmed fingernails and mouthing instructions to people who cannot hear you.

You are laser-focused because the next couple of minutes are crucial. And then, the bomb is detonated at exactly 0.01 seconds, and your racing heart stills as you remember to breathe again. You sigh with relief, grin from ear to ear, and you can almost feel that burst of serotonin. You are thrilled that the child character with a ragged stuffy and her struggling single mother will not get blown to pieces. The movie ends, and the thrill is fleeting.

Ever spent a couple of weeks watching a film series, getting to know the characters, getting immersed in their world, siding with your preferred characters as the movies reach different stages of climax? You know the characters: their mannerisms, their proclivities. You empathize with them when they make the wrong choices, and sometimes you get upset when they take too long to make the right decisions. You can almost always tell how they would react in certain situations. Most times, you get them.

You cry with them and share in their joy as the story unfolds. You root for them, and if there is a villain, you hope their ploys are uncovered quickly. Sometimes, you feel like you are their person.

Through the mundane cycle of life, you look forward to taking a break from dealing with life, work, and family, to keep up with your fictional friends and see what they are getting up to. It becomes part of your routine. It is just entertainment, but it feels like part of your journey. You pause to learn more about these characters as you dash to Wikipedia to read about them. You are invested. You feel like you know them.

Then the inevitable happens. The conflict is resolved. The lovebirds profess their love and seal it with a kiss as you curl your toes, smile sheepishly, and share in their joy. You feel like you were there when it all started. For other genres, the mystery is solved or the villain is apprehended. You are shocked or relieved. If you have watched too many similar movies, your suspicion was probably right all along, and you feel a mix of relief and pride that you were right.

Whatever that story was, it all comes together. The characters find themselves, consummate their love, and get the answers they sought through several episodes. You get your answers and satisfaction. You see the story end neatly.

Then you remember: these characters have been part of your daily routine for weeks. You know them. You hang with them. You chill with them. And now you have to part ways. You watch the credits roll against a black background: Producer, Director, Cast, and you feel nostalgic. It is over. Then comes the nothingness after; a blank, bleak feeling.

Until you find the next movie, and you rinse and repeat.

I watched the series Younger and wrapped it up this weekend, so here I am! Writing about my feelings.

Xoxo,
Tosin